Why Does Criticism Cut So Deep While Praise Slips Away?

I’ve often found myself asking this question: Why do we remember and harp on criticism—regardless of the source—while praise tends to pass us by without much weight?

It’s a question I return to again and again, especially in my quietest, most vulnerable moments. I know I’m not alone in this. For me, it’s tied to an old, deep-seated desire to be liked by everyone. To be understood. To be accepted. Even though I know—intellectually and even logically—that not everyone’s opinion deserves to carry that much weight, the emotional tug remains.

As a nonfiction writer, I pour my truths onto the page. My stories are personal, lived, and raw. So when someone criticizes my writing, it’s hard not to take it as a criticism of me. That’s the thing about writing from lived experience—your art and identity are tightly braided together. There’s no separating the two.

But here's what I’ve come to understand: criticism is part of the territory. In fact, criticism is free—abundant, even. Everyone has something to say. But not every voice carries equal value. I’ve learned to weigh feedback based on its source. The real gems come from those who are also in the arena, doing the vulnerable work of sharing their truth. If you’re not putting yourself out there, if you’re not exposing your own heart through your words, your criticism just doesn’t land the same.

There’s a famous quote often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt that reminds me of this: “It is not the critic who counts... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.”

So these days, I’m learning to listen differently. To give praise more room to breathe. To let it sink in and remind me that I’m on the right path. And to let the cheap criticism roll off like rain on a raincoat.

Because unless you're in the arena too—you don’t get to hold the pen on my worth.

The Man in the Arena

Theodore Roosevelt